Far from Fear: Shabnam Shares the Ways in which she Overcame her Fear of Speaking in English

Shaikh Shabnam B.A 1st Year

My biggest fear was to speak out in public. I avoided places where two or more people gathered and started speaking and that too in English. Every time I hid in corners. For me, speaking in public was in itself a challenging task. And if that had to be in English then I just don’t have words to express the fear that once grew within me. I felt embarrassed whenever I could not speak out. I regretted that I had ideas, views and opinions but when I intended to speak I did not find the right words. I forgot everything. I felt nervous and repeatedly made blunders. The fear of committing mistakes and the fear of making fun of myself in front of everyone stopped me from being a part of all the conversations around me.

It is true that I was intimidated by people who could speak fluent and clear English. But secretly, I must confess that I admired them. I loved the way they could express their thoughts in a language that seemed so difficult to me. I was filled with excitement whenever I heard girls speaking English. Words came out of them as water flows from a fountain.

I was jealous of their confidence. I wanted to be like them. But then something was always stopping me. I asked myself, “Why was I not like them?”, “What was stopping me?”, ‘Why do I avoid people when I have so much to share with the world?”

I thought deeply and I realized that it was my fear and ego that was stopping me more than anything else. I had built a wall of fear and isolation around me. I understood that my life could not go on if I had to live within the limitations I had created around myself. I had to change. I realized that having knowledge was not enough. I needed to put it into practice. That I could achieve only when I had a good command over language.

 My biggest problem was that I never found the right words to express my ideas.  Even though I had mastered certain topics in my native language, yet I could not say them in English. But what was I doing to solve my problem? Nothing!!!!

I was once again embarrassed of myself. At once, I decided that better than doing nothing, I could at least try. And what’s the worst that could happen? People would laugh at me. That’s all! My life would not end. Rather, if I tried, I could learn something. People keep learning all their lives, I thought. Even babies fall down several times when they try to walk. But they don’t give up until the time they are able to walk upright. We have all been through that phase. So, I wondered what was stopping me again?

I understood that I had poor command over vocabulary in English. Once resolved, I began reading story book for children which were short and simple. Then, I took up reading magazines which actually made me grow a love for reading new things. I gradually started reading different types of books. It was a little difficult and distracting but as advised by my teachers, I always looked up in the dictionary if I failed to understand any word.  I made several mistakes but I learnt a lot.

I am happy today that I made efforts to break the barriers of language around me. Today, I speak without fear. Yes, I do make mistakes. Bu at least I am aware of them and then try to correct them.

All my efforts have been successful due to the encouragement I received from the Department of English. I thank my teachers for starting the Quills Literary Club. It has helped me overcome my fear of communicating in English. Joining the club was one of the best decisions made by me. I do not hide any more. I am far from fear.