"It Was Her All Along" - By Devyani Konkati, B.Sc. BTCFS I Year

Picture Credit : Special Arrangement

Esha was a “just-turned-adult", who came from a toxic environment. Growing up, she could not identify the difference between the goodness and poison of the world. She thought that the world existed in different colors, but as time kept passing by, the colors started to fade and all she could see was blacks and whites.

She always longed for validation from others and waited to get something, which she never provided to herself. She was bound to the strings of inevitability, that wounded her, and always blamed herself for all of this. She felt helpless, and lost, and fell into the trance, where her inner child and her angry teen sought that one hope that could finally free her from those inevitabilities.

Days went by with her hunt for hope and one sharp strike that would cut her strings down. She was now stepping into adulthood, with the mark of turning eighteen. She used this as an excuse to spend time with herself, reminiscing her memories, and while doing so, she found an old letter, probably written by her when she was young. The letter described, how proud she would be of herself, after overcoming adversities and how her little self wanted to protect her. She broke down into tears at the messy handwriting of the letter that carried words of liveliness. She realized that she was self-made and came so far and this also directed her to realize that it was her all along, who ceased her from finding herself. Esha found the immunity to light the spark to her flame again.

Esha knew that she needed to work on herself and her relationships, which were the major parts of it, and perceived that only she was able to do that. She finally started putting effort into it. Soon after she did, she felt everything fall into its place. She was able to cut off the strings that she tied to herself. She gave herself love, affection, care, and respect which led her to gain it from others as well and understood that what she got was what she gave. She found her wings but she also made sure that her feet were on the ground. She came out of that trance and to her surprise; it was her adult self who was able to heal the wounds of her inner child and angry teen. She turned her scars into her beautiful constellation and filled her world with the colors she wanted. Esha saw to it that her personal relationships and social relationships had boundaries and she finally accepted that she shall never find herself in someone else.

 

MORAL: "What you give is what you get and never try to see yourself in others. All your answers lie within yourself"